The Musketeers
by Ashray1
Summary: Attention:insanity, nonsense, mischief, apathy and idiocy are included.[And much violence Sanzo]Reading only at your own risk.The people from Saiyuki are the musketeers,but they make their own way. With much damage and not much thinking. A crazy story...
1. New Friends

Title: The musketeers

Author: Ashray

Pairing: 3/9 (but only as gag?)

Disclaimer: Yes! It's all mine, Mine, MINE!!!! Saiyuki is MINE!

crash (the sound of someone who fell out of her bed)

looks blank what, it was only a dream? Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura?

is disappointed

Warnings: Attention: insanity, nonsense, mischief, insanity and idiocy are included.

Reading only at your own risk….

Summary: The guys are playing musketeers, but in their own, special, extreme way, and the

Story doesn't follow the original too closely

And a big 'thank you' to Youkai-Braut for the Beta, because she's helping me, although she know

how long the Story is, because she read it in german.

" Bla, bla, bla….." Someone talking, but does anyone even listen?

crack crash splinter background noise

//somebody thinking// or pretending to do so…

[_And this are my commends, sometimes a little wicked_ the scribbler had something to say

* * *

France is on the brink off war with England, but there are peace negotiations.

This must be kept secret though, because the cardinal is working against the musketeers and the monarchs of France and England.

However, there are men that fight for their country, loyal to their king and in deep hate for the cardinal.

These are strong men, brave, noble and loyal…

It is spring, in the year 1626.

The weather is warm, but not hot, the birds are singing and everyone is happy and…..

_Wrack Wrack Wrack_

_Sanzo: Stop that shit and go on with the damn story, I don't have all day!_

_Okay, okay, calm down and put away that stupid paper fan, Sanzo rub my poor head_

The musketeers:

(Saiyuki style)

crack splinter clank

With a very loud noise the door to the tavern burst open. And HE was standing in the door!!!…. The HORRIBLE….

1, 62 m small, tousled brown hair and golden eyes….

The horror had a name:

"GOKU!" cried the innkeeper, after he had recovered from his shock.

"HUNGER" came the answer.

"NO! No way! Not a chance!" Because, the amounts of food this boy could eat weren't normal.

He already had raided every pantry in and around town.

More than once.

He always came at night, managing to sneak in without anybody noticing him, and disappearing the same way, after eating everything he had been able to find in the kitchen.

He was almost like a ghost.

//We must find a way to get rid of him.//

Soon.

Better yesterday than tomorrow.

Before he can eat all our food.

_crack_

//And another table brakes. My poor furniture….//

Goku had always been going berserk and destroying everything around him, whenever he didn't get what he wanted.

…But then the innkeeper suddenly had an idea….

A great idea!

"Goku"

But the boy didn't hear him or he ignored him and broke anything he could find into little pieces.

"GOKU!"

"Yes, what is it? Is the food ready?"

"I have to talk to you…."

……….

……

….

And 2 day's later the whole town was waiting to get a look at Goku leaving their lives to go to Paris, where he wanted to become a musketeer.

The innkeeper had managed to convince him.

He had told the golden eyed boy, that in Paris they had all kinds of food and all he had to do was to go to the city and become a musketeer.

_[There were no better reasons for that, like….. Law, order, honor, or other such things…._

……………….

………

….. 

2 weeks and many raided villages later, Goku was standing on a hill in the morning and took a look at Paris.

This was where he would become a musketeer.

He'd do a little fighting here and there and get food for it!

It wouldn't be much work but a lot of fun.

Because, who liked working a lot:

More work meant less time to eat.

Less time to eat meant more hunger.

And that would be bad.

Really bad.

It only makes one moody.

_[Goku's logic_

_………_

…..

…

At the same time, in the city:

Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai walked through the streets.

Many people looked at the trio, but whether it was because they were looking so dashing in their blue musketeer-uniforms, or if it was because of Sanzo, looking at everybody as if he was about to kill them.

As usual, Gojyo ignored his behavior and flirted with everything that was wearing a skirt instead…

Hakkai stopped from time to time to talk to people, smirk at them friendly and trying to sell them the moon and the stars. And, most of the time, succeeding at it!!

Sanzo had enough of his so-called friends and left them standing where they were. He went to a tavern alone and sat down in a corner, with a beer and a newspaper

_[or what they used to call it._

But the room was slowly getting crowded after a while, and every few minutes somebody was pestering him. And his food would and would not come.

What took the damn cook that long?

………..

…….

….

At last he was in Paris.

Goku had never ever been in such a big city. He was sure there would be a lot to eat.

Grumble

// Okay, where can I sign up, I am really hungry // because he didn't know were to go, he decided to find something to eat first. He walked into the first Tavern he could find, in his usual way.

splitter crack clank

_[The well-known sound of a door that's being opened not too gently_

"HiI'mGokuamhungrywherecanIfindsomefoodhowcanIbecomeamusketeerwherecanIfindsomefood…."

A woman turned around to the golden-eyed boy and stared at him unbelieving.

The boy continued gabbling cheerfully, ignoring the fact that nobody was able to understand him because he was speaking too fast.

The only clear word was 'HUNGRY'!

"You don't know how to greet a lady, kid." a voice behind him sneered.

"I… AM… NOT… A…KID!!!" he cried at the red head standing behind him.

"And you also don't know how to open a door."

//Why should I be interested in the stupid door, I want some food! Now! I AM HUNGRY//

"You're from the country? Because you don't know how to behave yourself. Well, I'll show you the right way to say hello to a beautiful Lady in our city.," explained the man.

And with this, he grabbed the waitress by the waist and kissed her effusively.

The two of them were so busy with each other, they almost forgot about Goku.

[Baaaad mistake. Don't forget: Never ever let Goku out of sight! Not if close to a kitchen.

He went to glance around in the kitchen and sat down at a table with a bunch of bananas.

Suddenly he was hit from behind and fell off his chair.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"I show you what you're supposed to act like in the big city, and what do you do? You little monkey raid the kitchen!"

"I'm not a monkey! And I saw you a few minuets ago with 3 other Ladies. In front of the door, you know."

At this Gojyo's face first went white and than red as a tomato.

The waitress gave him a bad look.

Gojyo stared at the golden eyed boy who glared right back.

The next thing that could be heard, was a rather loud 'discussion'.

And the waitress threw out both of them.

She had heard enough about who was a monkey or a cockroach...

"Monkey"

"Cockroach"

"I beat you into a pulp, kid"

"You can't even catch me, idiot."

"Wait, you…"

Gojyo goes after Goku when suddenly a very beautiful Lady tapped him on the shoulder

And he immediately forgot everything around him, all his attention directed on her now.

He kissed the woman, and she giggled, shoving him back. He turned around to face Goku and said:

"THAT, and that alone, is the correct way to say hello to a Beauty."

"Leave me alone. I'm starving, and it's all your fault."

"How is you being hungry my fault, damn monkey?"

"You are the reason she threw us out before I could eat anything!"

"You're thinking with your stomach only, right? You have no frigging idea about the beautiful things in live."

With that he pulled the woman back to him.

//This guy is crazy!! Eating is good!!//

And his thoughts drifted away, focusing on all the great things he could eat.

_[He really only thinks with his stomach_

"Hey, shortly, are you there?"

"I'm not short!"

The woman giggled again and instantly had Gojyo's attention:

"Maybe it's better if you fight somewhere else, before the both of you are put under arrest. You know, duels are forbidden around here."

"Yes, that's a good idea."

"Yes, and then I'll beat the shit out of you."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Great, we're meeting at 12 pm in the old monastery. Don't be late! You can read the clock?"

A rock went flying in his direction.

And so, Goku had to leave without knowing where to go to to become a musketeer

And without any food….

…….

….

…

And again, he wandered through the city in his search for food.

Near the market place he found a big Tavern with many people.

//Certainly I can find someone here who knows where to look.//

Someone stood in his way as he was trying to enter the tavern.

All he could see was blond hair and piercing, violet eyes.

//Wow// he thought.

In his head he heard Gojyo speaking //In Paris, you greet the people you like with a kiss.//

So he tiptoed and followed Gojyo's example.

[Let us say, he doesn't look too closely, and he just came in from the bright light outside into the darker room…..

……….

……

….

// I hate this crowd//

Sanzo started in the direction of the door. His hunger was gone now.

As he was about to leave tavern, the way was blocked by a boy standing in the door.

He stopped in front of him and stared at him.

//Why does this idiot get in my way? Move!//

Sanzo would have yelled at him, but suddenly the boy laid his arms around his shoulders and kissed him!

Really kissed him!

Right on his mouth!

Here, where everyone could see it!

_[Meaning, if nobody watches, it's Okay?_

Sanzo was too shocked to do anything but to automatically close his eyes and do nothing.

He even looked as if he was enjoying it! But as he started to return the kiss, he suddenly realized where he was.

//That didn't just happen, right? Damn, I'll kill that brat!!!//

But what he did was slam Goku out of the doorway and into a wall.

Goku didn't know what the problem was.

"HEY, what was that for? I thought that's the way to greet a beautiful lady in this city?" 

Innocently, he looked at the badly blushing blond in front of him. Sanzo bolt his fist and glared at he smaller one, who was getting up and bowed.

"I am sorry, dear lady, I didn't mean to offend you."

And that was it.

Enough is enough.

You could hear the blond's blood boil in his veins.

The only thing saving Goku was the fact that it was forbidden to murder someone in public.

_[It's also forbidden behind closed doors. Just as a side note_

Otherwise Sanzo would have killed him right where he was standing.

"At 1 pm. In the monastery. Start digging you're grave, you'll need it." he whispered into the boy's ear before he stormed off.

//I kill him. How can that chimp do this, In front of all those people?"

Goku wondered// I didn't know that there are female musketeers//

[As I said earlier, he doesn't quite get it. Poor Sanzo

Now he had a meeting at 12 and at 1 pm.

And he didn't even had have lunch yet.

It was easy to find friends here.

But it was different with food.

There was nothing edible in sight.

So he was on his way to raid another tavern

…………….

………

After an eternity [about 10 minutes, he saw a few men playing cards in a little pub. One of them was wearing a blue musketeer's cape, the others were wearing the red ones of the cardinal's guardsman.

Goku went up to them to ask where he had to sign up to become a musketeer, as well as getting something to eat.

[_What else _

And everyone had been telling him becoming a musketeer would be easy...

They had said that all he needed to do was to go to Paris, walk into the first tavern he'd find and ask.

So much for that!

He wished he hadn't listened to the them.

Then he saw the man in blue yank out a card under the table and lay it on the table!

The men with him flung their cards on the table and swore.

"That's impossible'!"

"Why do you always have such luck, Hakkai!"

"I'm broke."

They glanced at the green-eyed man angrily and disappeared grumbling.

He grinned back at them, before looking at Goku.

"You cheated!"

"Sorry, but you are mistaken. I would never play against the rules."

With that, he glanced at the redcoats to make sure they couldn't hear them.

"Would you mind repeating that a little more loudly? I think the people 3 streets away weren't able to hear you yet."

"But it's true! I saw you cheating! And I would like to you ask where I can get some food-…. I mean, where can I sign up to become a musketeer. And get some food?"

"I'll say it again…." Hakkai said in a low voice, "I didn't cheat!"

Goku tilted his head to the side and looked at him confused. What was the problem, he had seen it clearly, why way he denying it?

"The cardinal's idiots will get angry if they hear you, and now be quiet. Everyones staring already."

With that, he grabbed the golden-eyed teen by the collar and dragged him out.

Questioning gazes followed them, answered by Hakkai's usual grin.

Outside he shoved Goku into a little sideway.

"So, short one.."

"I. Am. Not. Short!!!"

"You want food? I know where you can find some delicious food."

Goku was quiet immediately and listened to what the man was telling him. This was more like he wantit!

"Also, you have seen my….. Companions? With the red coats? In their garrison they have a really big pantry. All you have to do is sneak in, take what you want and sneak out with out anybody noticing it."

"Why aren't they allowed to see me?"

"Because they'll stomp you into the ground if they should find you." //This is impossible for the runt. That will teach you to put your nose where it doesn't belong…. Oh my God, I sound like Sanzo//

"And then? Where can I become a musketeer?"

//Nowhere, because, after they're finished with you, you'll be leaving town as fast as you can//

"And then come to the old monastery at 2 pm, and I'll tell you."

//I really don't need anyone to know that my luck only comes from cheating//

Hakkai hoped that the boy wouldn't show up at their meeting place…

Goku happily ran into the described direction…

And now:

First get a good lunch.

And then to the monastery to meet up with his new friends to see what they wanted.

[_He hadn't noticed yet, that the three of them were actually angry at him_

TBC


	2. Food and Fights

And again a big 'Thank you' for youkaibraut for the Beta and her nice words always...

And there is also a little change:_The throughs are now written only so, without //_

Goku finally get what he was searching for the whole time:

His food. 

And after he survived the redcoats, he meet his new friends/wanna-be murder...  
And what happen next is supposed to be a duel  
(please, someone tell them, that he have to use real weapons for that...)  
but as the guards of the cardinal decided to join them, the situation get totally out of hand...

OOC(all of them, more or less)  
Violence (Thank you, Sanzo!)  
Stupidy and naivity (poor Goku)  
and the normal insanity by Gojyo and Hakkai...

**And now:**

**Part 2 start!!!!**

Title: Food and Fights

Gojyo was on his way from one woman to the next, when he passed the garrison of the redcoats.

In the corner of his eye, he could see a small silhouette move out of a shadow and running up to the building.

_If the idiotic monkey walks in there and tells them that he wants to be a musketeer, they'll kill him. Or is he still looking for food? There are so many better things to think about…_

With that thought, he smiled at two aristocratic women, who giggled and blushed furiously.

Goku did not notice this, though. He was too excited. Hakkai had told him which way to go, so he simply had to go there, sneak in and find food. Only a few more minutes and he would finally have something for his poor, empty stomach…

There was an open window not far away from him, so he climbed in and quietly stepped onto a little table that was standing below him.

Good thing that nobody had noticed him yet.

rumble

The table broke under his weight with a very loud sound.

_Oops..._

Fortunately no one seemed to have heard him.

Quietly he sneaked through the corridors to his goal, but he had to be very carefully, as there were more and more redcoats.

But he always found what others tried to hide from him.

And nobody noticed his boots sticking out beneath a curtain, or any such things.

They were too busy or something.

As silent as a little kitten he stalked his prey.

[_a pantry, bursting with food_

It was like heaven on earth to him.

Once he was in there, he acted as always. That meant he stuffed all he could find into his mouth.

It was a somewhat scary thing to see, how fast the pantry was emptied.

When only some crumbs were left, the boy licked his fingers happily.

_A cake would be great now. With chocolate and lots of whipped cream or maybe one or two fruitcakes…_

But sadly, he had no time to go looking for these things. He had to leave, or he would be too late for his meeting with his new friends…

He had to be at the monastery by 12 am.

He didn't know Paris, but luckily Gojyo had told him the way. So he would hopefully find the place, but he couldn't understand why it was so important for his friend to be there at the right time.

_Maybe he wants to teach me more interesting things about the big city._

And Hakkai had promised to tell him where he could become a musketeer when they'd meet at 2 o'clock.

_And a place where I can sleep. A midday nap would be nice, too. And afterwards something sweet to nibble._

He licked his lips at the thought.

But first, he had to sneak out without anyone seeing him.

But….What was the right direction?

Getting inside had been easy, all he had to do was follow his nose. But getting out?

He closed his eyes, turned around in circles, and then went in the direction he happened to be facing when he stopped.

_I don't know where I'm going, but I'm stuffed and nothing can dampen my spirits now._

Sadly, he went into the wrong direction, heading deeper into the garrison.

And he saw more and more people, and hiding places became scarce.

Suddenly he heard voices and he climbed up a curtain and hung in its folds:

[_Like Tom & Jerry, nobody ever looks up, I wonder why?_

"We are lucky, all we need to do is go to England and steal it; and then the way will be free for cardinal Gyumao. We can dethrone _it_."

"But it must stay as a secret. I, Kougaiji, will execute the order personally, Lady Gyokumen."

Slowly they walked away, and not a moment too soon.

The curtain came down, together with the boy, the weight becoming to much for the fragile fabric.

Fortunately, the two killers hadn't heard it, the door was firmly shut behind them.

But someone else noticed.

It was one of the unlucky guards. Goku had landed right on his head.

He picked himself up and quickly stormed away to where he came from.

By now, several guards had gathered in front of the pantry.

And the golden-eyed teen ran right into their arms.

He stopped at the last moment and changed direction once more.

He ran like a whirlwind through the corridors, until a closed door stopped him when he bumped into it.

What bloody idiot had closed the door he wanted to pass!?

He tried the doorknob, before once again the familiar sound of cracking wood could be heard.

The door hadn't given in, but the door frame had not been as sturdy.

And so Goku stood there, door in hand...

A single guard, that had managed to somehow keep up with his speed, came running after him.

And since he was already standing there anyway, Goku, friendly as always, gave the door to him….

_It isn't mine after all…_

"Sorry, I think this is yours. It wasn't on purpose, it simply fell apart like that."

The man stared at him disbelieving. This boy held the door, as if it didn't weigh anything at all.

And then the door buried the guard underneath it.

_[It seemed to be heavier than expected…_

Goku took his chance and left as fast as he could…

Leaving a trail of broken doors and furnishings that were in his way

And because of that, he…. well, smashed them.

Goku left a trail of pure destruction…

A twister couldn't possibly have done more damage…

Still, he left the garrison without anyone catching him.

And inside, the whole garrison wondered what had happened to their storage rooms.

The food certainly hadn't walked away by itself, and nobody would be stupid enough to plunder them…

Shortly after that, a very happy Goku was on his way to the monastery.

Hakkai and Gojyo had already arrived and were now waiting for Sanzo to join them.

Because every duel needed adjutants, and they were having their duels in the same place, they only needed to wait, to help each other.

They still didn't know that they all had the same opponent.

Five minutes after twelve and two of the four still hadn't arrived.

They wondered if the boy would show up at all, or if he already had left town out of fear..

These were hard times for the musketeers, duels were forbidden, and the cardinal's redcoats arrested everyone who didn't follow their rules.

Their rights became more limited and their reputation wasn't the best, so they had to be careful not to be caught.

Goku ran around a corner at full speed, he didn't want to be late, and he didn't have much time left.

But suddenly he was stopped and ended up sitting on his butt.

Yes, that's what happens when you run and don't look at what's in front of you. You might run into a barrier.

And this barrier had blond hair and violet eyes, which looked, all but happy, down at him.

No, Sanzo sure as hell wasn't happy.

Even less happy, when Goku stood up and dragged him down to his level.

And before Sanzo could so much as blink he once again felt the lips of the shorter one on his own.

Goku dragged him down further, so he didn't need to stretch as much, and Sanzo didn't resist, until he saw a movement in the corner of his eyes.

His two friends had heard some strange noise and were now peeking around the corner.

They didn't believe their eyes.

Standing there was Sanzo.

And who did he hold in his arms?

Their opponent!

And what were they doing?

They were kissing!!!

Hakkai let out a surprised gasp, and Gojyo began to laugh.

Sanzo's head flew up startled and he threw Goku down to the ground.

Said boy blinked in surprise that he found himself on the ground because of this 'woman' for the second time the day.

Sanzo brought a paper fan from out of nowhere and hit Goku over his head several times.

Wrack Wrack

"You! YOU! You stupid, idiotic, damn, crazy MONKEY!"

"Hey, what was that for? That is really mean!"

"YOU…."

Sanzo towered over Goku, face completely red and searching for words as he hit the boy over and over again. The boy glared at Gojyo:

"You liar! You told me to greet people like this! Now look what happened!"

Gojyo stared at him perplexed, before he started laughing.

"Hey, Shorty, I said 'beautiful women', not 'grumbling psychopaths'! And if you didn't notice yet, Sanzo isn't a woman!"

He started laughing again, causing the paper fan to hit his head as well.

Goku took a closer look at Sanzo.

[_Finally he got it!_

"Oh. Oh, you're right, sorry. I didn't notice. Whatever, it isn't that bad, right? Things like that happen…"

And he smiled brightly up at Sanzo, which made Gojyo fall to the ground, rolling around and laughing, tears in his eyes.

Goku leapt at Gojyo and started hitting him, but said redhead paid him by hitting back, and they started fighting and yelling at each other at the top of their lungs.

"So, this also is your enemy, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked friendly, "Because I have a fight with him, too."

"Really? And why?" Gojyo wanted to know between two kicks.

"He said that I'm cheating at cards."

"And? You always do. That's nothing new to be told."

"Sure, but that's nothing the redcoats have to know about!! If I say, I don't cheat, they'll better believe me! And I also thought that you're here for a duel, not for a schoolyard-fight."

"And since when, exactly, do YOU start duels, Hakkai?"

But Hakkai preferred to only smile in that suspicious way of his, as he turned towards Goku.

Goku held his enemy in a headlock, while Gojyo punched him in the stomach.

Sanzo glared angrily at the two of them, but was ignored just like Hakkai, while they rolled around in the dirt.

Wrack Wrack Wrack

Sanzo hit them over their heads again and again with his favorite weapon, his paper fan for idiots.

He had enough of them all.

It appeared they all had the same opponent, and the damn boy drove him mad by simply looking at him.

_And what weird color are his eyes?_

And why the heck is he thinking about that crap, instead of simply killing him and going back to his normal life?

Meanwhile, Goku and Gojyo continued fighting, while Hakkai tried to tell them that they were supposed to use weapons for their duel, like rapiers or muskets.

At the end, they were sitting in the dirt, panting and full of scratches and bruises.

Hakkai used the brake to ask Goku something that he hadn't been able to get out of his head the whole time:

"Didn't you say you were hungry? Why didn't you go to the garrison like I told you?"

Gojyo looked at Hakkai:

_So that was why he was there when I saw him earlier. You and your bad jokes, I hope I'll stay on your good side, Hakkai._

Hakkai could be a lot more mean than people gave him credit for. Which also was the reason everyone believed every word he said. He had a great poker face, and you could never be sure if he was joking or not.

Goku gave him a look and smiled:

"But I was there, just before I came here. And you were right, there was a lot of good stuff there for me. But sadly, I didn't have the time to search for a dessert."

"You were in there? And you got out without anybody noticing you?"

"Except for one soldier that came running after me. But the door dragged him down!"

"Door? What door are you talking about?"

"The door that I pulled out of its frame accidentally. But I swear, it was an accident! Really!"

"And the others didn't find you?"

"No, they were so busy with wondering what happened to their pantry. (I emptied it!) I guess they don't have much work to do, right?"

_[Not even now he noticed that Hakkai had tried to trick him. Poor Goku…_

Hakkai couldn't believe it: He had been so sure that the boy would have a hard time getting out of there.

"They were supposed to kick your ass or kill you! Normally they are not so timid…"

Meanwhile, Sanzo had more than enough from all the talking.

He didn't give a shit if that stupid brat went to steal the redcoats last food, or if he fought with Gojyo because he lied to the monkey…

_Wait a minute! Gojyo was the one who put those ideas in the morons head!?…_

So that was the reason for all that laughing!!

And for that, he gave them both extra hits, just for (his) fun!

_I beat that shit out off them, no way I'll allow this to continue. Not with me! I make them regret it for the rest of their short lives if they ever dare doing that again…._

Sanzo got angrier by the minute, until he pulled out his rapier: "Come on, you two brainless morons! I thought that we're here for a duel, and not for babbling!!"

"What? Why duel? I want to be a musketeer!"

"When I'm finished with you, you will be worm-food! And after that I murder the cockroach."

"What? What do I have to with this? I didn't do anything!"

"You've been putting that stupid idea into his empty head! And on top of this: You're supposed to use weapons in a duel! And not crawling around like a child in the dirt! You don't have any pride, do you? To fight with a stupid KID!"

"I'm not a KID!"

"Sanzo, sorry to interrupt you, but I think it's my turn.

On the other hand, I'll gladly give you the opportunity to go first…" he quickly added when Sanzo aimed his musket at him.

[_It__'__s better not to mess with Sanzo, when he is in a bad mood.. Not if you enjoy being alive__…_

_But then... is he ever in a good mood?_

Sanzo turned to look at Goku, who picked himself up from the ground and backed off slowly.

_Why the hell are they angry at me, I didn't do anything!_

"HEY, YOU! Don't move! You're all arrested in the Name of our Cardinal Gyumao!"

"Shit! This is all the fault of you three morons, because you three had to continue your babbling for so long!"

And with that he hit all of them on the head again.

"HEY!! We don't have time for this…"

But they weren't able to go on with their discussion, the guards got in the way.

Actually, they wanted to fight, but they had to stay away from any fighting, because if they didn't, all of the musketeers would get into trouble.

The cardinal (he should burn in hell for eternity!) was just waiting for an opportunity to eliminate all of them for their mistake.

So they couldn't allow themselves to be caught.

And that meant they had to run away!

[_Sometimes life is a bitch_

Together, they ran through the narrow streets and tried to loose their enemies.

That means Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo were running. Goku was jogging behind them.

He didn't quite understand what had happened, but what the heck.

But then they made a mistake:

They took the wrong turn and reached a dead-end.

That meant they had to fight. And that meant they had to hurt their enemies.

And that meant their boss would be ticked off. Again.

Not that that was something unusual, it happened at least once a week.

If it wasn't because off Gojyo's many affairs with women, which partly included married women of higher classes, it was because of Hakkai's cheating or Sanzo's outbreaks of violence…

But they didn't want to add fuel to the fire.

Not if it could be avoided.

But this time it couldn't be helped, because they couldn't simply fly away, could they?

They could!

Suddenly there was a movement under their feet, and as they looked down, they saw that they were standing on a colorful Persian carpet.

Said carpet lifted them off the ground slowly and carried them up high over the roofs of Paris.

"Wow, we're flying, we're flying…" Goku screamed happily and hopped up and down, nearly throwing his new friends down.

Sadly, he was the only one who was actually happy, the others didn't feel as enthusiastic about it.

Especially Sanzo…

Below them the redcoats stood open mouthed, wondering and swearing up at them.

After all, that was something they didn't get to see everyday, four musketeers on a colorful Persian carpet flying over Paris…

……

…

perplexed silence

_At this point we have to take a short break from the story_

_tap tap_

_Yes? turns around_

_Sanzo: Do you know where we are?_

_Paris?_

_Sanzo: Right!_

_And what year?_

_No idea! Sixteen hundred-something _

_Seventeen hundred-I-don't-care_

_Sanzo: Ummmmm, yes, more or less…_

_AND WHY THE HELL IS THERE A DAMN FLYING CARPET HERE?_

_Wrack Wrack Wrack Wrack Wrack WRACK _

_Okay, I get it, I get it, so put away your fan so we can go on with the show!!!_

_rubs her poor head_

At his special request [_and after more or less… gentle… encouragement_ we cut out my beautiful flying carpet [_sulks_

The guys are back standing at the dead-end and the redcoats are blocking the way out.

[_Hey, don't blame me, it isn't my fault! I would let them go unharmed, but no… Sanzo wanted to fight so badly…_

_grumping grumping grumping Nobody listens to me! So much for helping is offended _

So they decided to fight.

They didn't care about being outnumbered, that only made it more fun.

Goku was the only one without a weapon, but that quickly changed.

One of their enemies was friendly enough to give him his rapier.

After Goku had helped him run against a wall, of course.

Now it wasn't too hard to push the guards back and get more room

Still, it didn't take long for them to get in each others way:

Gojyo: "Hey, monkey, you bumped into me!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, you just didn't look where you were going!"

And again, both of them were rolling on the floor, screaming, punching and kicking and trying their best to hurt each other.

The monkey and the kappa were so busy, they forgot their real targets.

The redcoats couldn't believe what happened before their eyes:

They were being ignored!

The mighty guards of the great cardinal simply being ignored like that!!!

Sanzo's familiar twitch returned, as he took out his paper fan and started hitting at the two figures to his feet.

He also yelled at the two, while Hakkai tried to calm them down.

Everybody swore, screamed, punched or kicked at the other, and the redcoats only stood there and stared down at the tangle of limbs before their feet.

Then one of them had had enough of them and kicked hard into the mass….

[_very bad mistake!!!_

He hit Sanzo in the ribs.

Oh oh….

The blond rose to his feet slowly and walked over to him, while snatching a rapier from the ground.

"You! Come here!" He commanded as if the man was a dog, while glaring thousand deaths on him.

Said men didn't even think about doing so.

Sanzo scared him a lot, and he was about to run away as fast as possible, because that blond had something mad about him with that intense gaze from his violet eyes.

His companions behind him gave him a push that made him stumble towards Sanzo.

Sanzo went after his victim and forced him back, to the sides, and wherever he wanted him to be.

He had his fun, playing cat-and-mouse with the poor, scared man.

Then he gave him a good hard punch to his stomach and continued hitting him with his fists.

The angry blond turned around to the others and bellowed:

"What's wrong with you? Don't stay around the whole day long, move your lazy asses!"

He didn't need to tell Goku that twice.

The boy rose and watched out for a victim for himself, like Hakkai and Gojyo already did.

Since they had no intention of killing the redcoats,

[_because this would have meant too much trouble_

the four attacked them without their weapons.

The guards discarded their weapons as well, they felt save because of their superior numbers, and were sure about who would win in the end.

Goku had picked the same opponent as earlier, but this time the man didn't run against the wall, but flew through a window. Goku followed right behind and threw him back outside the house, only to repeat the same thing again, in and out of the window.

By that time the others came to life and also attacked the redcoats.

They guards soon became aware of the fact that they wouldn't have an easy time with them as they had hoped for and reached for their weapons…

Only to find them gone.

Hakkai smiled guiltily: "Sorry, I took your weapons, we wouldn't want anyone to get hurt, would we? Except for you, of course."

The redcoat that had kicked Sanzo had barricaded himself in the house and threw pots, pans and knifes out of the window he had broken earlier.

And Goku threw them right back at him.

_[What kind of stupid fight is this?_

The boss of the company of redcoats was, by now, sitting in a corner and staring at the picture before him desperately.

He had his arms on his knees and his face hidden in his hands, crying silently:

"All we wanted was arrest a few musketeers. hick to rough them up hick Nobody takes us seriously…"

"Are you all right? Can I help you?" a friendly voice suddenly asked him, and as he looked up to meet green eyes and a smiling face.

He shook his head, that couldn't be true! Now his enemies were starting to make fun of him…

What a disgrace!

Behind Hakkai, he could see Goku dodging a heavy pan, thrown by no other than Gojyo:

"Hey, watch out what you're doing, you stupid kappa! You almost hit me!"

"Who said that wasn't my intent, dimwit!"

"Cockroach!"

"Monkey!"

"SHUT UP!"

Klong Klong

Sanzo brought the big guns in and hit both of them with the pan that the fight had started with.

Then he turned around and hit two of the redcoats with his new found weapon as well.

Meanwhile, Hakkai elegantly dodged a knife that came flying his way, caught it and returned it to the launcher, who was not so lucky and now had a new cut on his hand.

crash

Goku had thrown one of the guards through the wall of an old, rickety stable, that finally tumbled down, while Goku... helped… the guard back outside…

[_That means, he let him fly through the wooden boards again_

The entire roof fell down on the monkeys head, and for a moment everybody was stunned with shock.

Suddenly the golden eyed youth appeared grinning from under the crashed wood and shook himself free of the splinters.

He looked around puzzled at the mess he had caused and scratched his head, embarrassed

"Oops! Sorry, I didn't mean to… Maybe, if I put this here, and that there…"

And he started fumbling around at the woodpile.

But of course it was useless…

This stable would never stand there again…

Meanwhile, Sanzo and Gojyo were beating more guards out of one of the houses causing even more damage.

And Goku took advantage of the firewood around him and threw it around at all that dared to move..

Sadly he hit the blond and the redhead, too, and said men were not at all happy about it, and throwing them back at the boy, burying him under the wood.

"Hey, are you two crazy? What was that for?"

"You know that already!"

"Watch where you aim!"

And with that Sanzo threw a big pot, just to be sure.

And all the while, the leader of the redcoats sat in his corner, crying his heart out…


	3. Meet the boss

"4 houses

18 doors

25 windows

12 fences

5 stables

3 barns….

All completely destroyed and completely unusable

As well as:

9 stables

7 houses

heavily damaged and in danger of collapsing..

And also……… 4 plundered pantries?"

Now they all were looking at Goku, who shuffled from foot to foot, face blushed bright red, looking everywhere but at the others:

"Yes, well, you see, because of all that running around I got a little hungry, so…"

"ARE ALL OF YOU COMPLETELY CRAZY? DID YOU FINALLY LOSE WHAT WAS LEFT OF YOUR BRAINS? A WHOLE DISTRICT...!"

Dokugakuji, leader of the musketeers, glared at the four men standing in front of him, while storming up and down his office.

The usually suspects…

And a new face!?

"Hey, big brother, it wasn't our fault, really…"

"Don't remind me we're siblings, Gojyo. As if I could ever forget that... So, please spare me having to think about it... I think I'm getting a headache again…"

He threw the several sheets of paper he'd been holding in his hands at the quartet, the paper fluttered to the floor.

They were a list of complaints, damage reports about what they had destroyed, and other things like that.

As Gojyo tried to speak up again, the normally so calm man snapped angrily at him:

"I'm the leader of the musketeers! I'm responsible for you and your actions! Why are you even here! What are you doing here?!!!"

Silence

None of them knew what to say.

_Was that a rhetorical question?_

"So, what is it!? I can't hear you! What makes you think you're a good musketeer! Or even a bad one! WHY ARE YOU HERE!!?????"

"Women.."

"Gambling?"

"I heard that there is a lot of very good food!!!"

Sanzo only shrugged, annoyed: "It is like it is"

Silence again

"YOU ARE FIRED!"

He went up and down the row of them, before he planted himself in front of each of them and yelled at them:

"FIRED! FIRED! ….."

"I'm terribly sorry, but I have to tell you, you can't fire him." Hakkai informed their leader, who was currently towering over Goku.

"Really? And would you mind telling me why that is?" asked Dokugakuji whit a dangerously low voice and an alarming glare.

"To be precise, he isn't even a musketeer."

"But I want to be one! I really, really want to be!!!"

"Really? In that case... I appoint you to a musketeer now…. AND THEN I CAN FIRE YOU!"

A long time ago the musketeers were the pride of the kingdom, respected, loyal, friendly and helpful they kept fighting for Law and Order… NOT FOR FOOD, WOMEN OR MONEY….."

"Order… Order… I'm sure I've heard that word before… Order…"

"Yes, me too. But I don't know… friendliness…loyalty… Doesn't ring a bell."

"Law? Order? What is that? Is it something to eat?"

"Out. Out! OOOUUUTTT!!!!!!!

"You 4 idiots can consider yourselves lucky, you just volunteered for a mission. It is a direct order from his… her… From our ruler-thing. You'll be summoned in a few days, have a nice time until then!"

"WHAT? No way, I don't want to…"  
"You don't have a choice, Sanzo, like it or not, you will be there. Even if you don't like your relatedness with him/her.

You. Will. Be. There! Got it!? "

The leader of the musketeers seemed to enjoy the suffering and sulking of the blond.

"And until then, the short one will be sharing a room with you, since you brought him here in the first place."

[_In the garrison the rooms are always for 4 men, to spare room_

"I'm not short!" Gojyo gave him a hit on his head

"Sure you are short, midget."

"Cockroach!"

"Monkey!"

"Water-sprite."

"Shut up morons, both of you!"

Wrack Wrack The familiar sound of a fan hitting two heads

While Sanzo was kicking and hitting them both, Hakkai was standing beside them and smiled, doing his best not to get between them, or Sanzo would hit him as well.

Dokugakuji could only shake his head.

And THEY think they're musketeers…

_I hope they somehow disapear during the mission... But is it really okay to let them loose? Maybe it would be better not to let them go to him...her...whatever it is on the throne alone._

Sure, Sanzo was related to…her…him…And…_IT_ liked to tease him, but….

Just to make sure they don't mess this up too much…

_I will go with them, when they are summoned._

I hope they won't simply throw the short one out like all their previous roommates...

The musketeers were allowed to choose whether they wanted to stay in the garrison, or to stay somewhere else, for example if they had a woman. Or, in Gojyo's case, to many of them. If they did stay in the garrison, however, they had to room together in 4-bed-rooms.

And these three had, until now, managed to get rid of every roommate.

The newcomers either had had enough of Sanzo's bad temper, of Hakkai's tricks, that only he himself (and the ones previously informed) thought were funny. And no one was safe from him.

Or the poor guy had enough of the trouble with Gojyo's girlfriends. Because Gojyo had this weird habit, to send angry husbands looking for him to someone else, so they'd get beaten up instead. Sadly though, that only worked when the guy only knew his name or where to find him, but not his face. So he himself got a fair share of the beatings.

Which didn't stop him, anyway.

In short, no one had the nerve to share a room with them for long.

The bravest had made it a whole week, before he was a nervous wreck. The poor man still hadn't recovered from this, and it was over 6 weeks ago. The doctor had said that he must have seen things so horrible, he didn't even wanted to know what had happened to the poor guy.

At the same time Sanzo had managed to kick Goku and Gojyo through the door.

How did he deserve this, now he had one idiot more to put up with. As if the three of them weren't enough…

"So, does that mean I'm a musketeer now?"

"Yes, it seems that way."

"Simple as that? This was easier then I thought it would be. But that man likes to yell, right? That is very bad for his blood pressure. If he keeps that up, he will collapse…"

"Yes, my brother is normally calm, not someone who gets upset that fast. But he's been yelling around for no reason for a while now."

[_The destroyed buildings and the general chaos they caused certainly had nothing to do with it._ _No reason to get upset…_

"I don't know, from what I remember he's been like that from the day I first met him, when we first showed up here."

[_If that isn't the reason… _

"Yeah, he never told me why! Even if I'm his nice little brother!"

Everyone looked at Gojyo at that statement.

"Since when are you a 'nice little brother'?"

"I can be!"

Violet, golden and green eyes looked at him doubtful.

"Okay, maybe not all the time."

"You mean 'ever'."

"Hey, at least I try! I really try. Its not my fault that something goes wrong all the time.."

As they passed by they heard some of their fellows talking:

"Have you heard? Someone broke into the headquarters of the cardinal's guards. In broad daylight!"

"And what was stolen? After all, it is a military building, not the national bank, or something."

"That's what's strange! There was nothing stolen, but the pantry was completely emptied!"

"And do they know who was so cheeky?"

"No, but he had left a quite a trail behind him on his way out of there. He has kicked in every door he passed… Man, they looked dumb, I wish I could have seen their stupid faces…"

"Serves them right, letting themselves getting robbed by a chibi…"

Just as Goku wanted to 'tell' them that he wasn't a chibi, he was dragged away by the others. It was better if no one knew that it was Goku who had visited the redcoats. Who knew who might listen.

"After all, they are pretty resentful…"

"Okay, then it's best if I say nothing." /_/All the better, that leaves more for me. He he he..//_

………

…..

Their room, in the middle of the night, three, relatively, silent days later:

They still hadn't kicked out Goku, he was still there, loud and happy as always.

Oh, they had tried, but the little pest always found a way to sneak back into the room, even if they blocked the door with a dresser, he simply came in through the window as if nothing was wrong. And yesterday, after they had boarded up the window, he came through the roof!

"Who do you think you are, Santa Claus?"

"And where did you park your reindeer sledge then, monkey?"

"I'm not a monkey, you pervert! And I don't have a sledge. Because if I would have so many reindeers, I would cook and eat them, and I would never ever give you a single piece of it! Want to know why?"

"Why, short little monkey-boy?"  
"Because you are a stupid, pervert cockroach!"

"I dare you to say that again!"

"Why? Are you deaf?"

[_And again they are fighting, like always. Situation normal, all fucked up! _

_(Especially Sanzo's temper) So now back to this, more important, night:_

As Gojyo walked into the room, he almost didn't believe his own eyes.

Sanzo, Goku and Hakkai were sitting on the table, in front of and all around them heaps of empty bottles, and Goku was happily snoring and drooling with his head on the dirty plate for all he was worth.

Sanzo slurred and wobbled and was also not far away from falling asleep.

Only Hakkai seemed to be stone-cold sober and refilling their glasses with a smirk.

As always the booze didn't get to him.

slide

Sanzo had given in and fell asleep. Both of them were snoring in duet now.

"Hey, Hakkai what have you done with them?"

"Nothing, we only had a little drinking contest. Only to kill the time, against the boredom. You know…"

"Then why are you sober? Didn't you drink with them?"

Suspicious Gojyo glanced at Hakkai, who gave him a big grin: "Oh, you know me, the booze doesn't affect me…"

"Maybe because you water the pot plant behind you with your drinks?" asked Gojyo with a look at the green stuff behind the green-eyed man.

"It's no wonder that nobody ever wins a drinking contest against you. So much for booze doesn't affect you! You simply never drink it yourself. I would not be surprised if that thing died of a alcoholic poisoning! The last time you had a drinking contest outside in a bar, they ended up having a wobbly and shaky dog. It was the first time I saw a drunken collie, I didn't know that was possible… "

"Don't tell anyone about that, or I'll have to kill you…"

Hakkai grinned at the other man and stood up.

"And what do you have in mind? You never do anything without a special reason."

"No no, don't worry, it is only a little April Fools' joke, nothing special."

"But it isn't even April right now!"

"Then imagine it was. Will you help me?"

"And with what?"

"At first please help me carry these drunkards over to the bed, then I show you."

Hakkai shoved Goku into Gojyo's arms while he dragged Sanzo. He had done a good job, neither of them realized anything, just snoring soundly in their arms. He laid Sanzo down on a bed and freed him of his boots and shirt. Gojyo was about to lay the boy in one of the other beds, when Hakkai called him over with an evil smirk:

"No, wait, bring him over here, too."

That was when Gojyo started suspecting what his friend was up to, and he shrugged:

"You realize Sanzo will murder you in cold blood for this when he's sober again?"

With that he laid Goku down beside Sanzo and took off the boys shirt and boots too.

Then Hakkai placed Goku's head on Sanzo's chest and the blond's arms around the smaller form.

"What do you think? It looks cuddly, don't you think so?" said Hakkai content.

"I don't care, it is your head that will get a new hole. I never knew that you have a death wish."

Hakkai only started giggling like he was nuts.

He had his fun, while Gojyo would be elsewhere when they woke up…

The next Morning:

Early in the morning, at 12pm, Sanzo woke up.

Something was wrong!

He couldn't say what it was, but something was definitely not like it should be. And it was not the time, or that he had gotten himself drunk yesterday.

_How can Hakkai drink so much without wobbling just a little? _he wondered.

Slowly he drifted back into a light slumber...

He tried to remember what had happened last night and, lost in thought, ruffled the brown haired head, which was laying on his chest, with one hand.

Hakkai was grinning at them suspiciously when he mentioned the drinking game, but Sanzo was careful, because he knew that grin. It meant that the green-eyed man was up to something.

It didn't matter what he had planned, it wouldn't work….

[_Yeah_, _Right, and that's also why he's patting Goku's head the whole time…_

Then again, he didn't feel like thinking about it further, patted Goku's hair once more and squeezed the youth tighter to him. He enjoyed the warmth and the silence and his eyes fell close all by themselves…

Only to suddenly open again..

At the same time he leaped up and out of the bed, carried Goku with him, and together with the sheets, they landed on the ground.

Sleepily, the boy blinked up to Sanzo, yawned, curled up and kept on sleeping right where he was. Namely in Sanzo's lap.

And Hakkai chose right that moment to enter the room.

[_It's only the question; Was it accidentally or on purpose?_

With a surprised face he looked down at the two sitting on the floor: "Oh, I'm very sorry, I hope I didn't interrupt you? Maybe it's better if I came back later, when you both are finished….."

"NO! No, you better tell me what's this supposed to be!" yelled Sanzo, as Hakkai turned around to the door.

_I'm sure as hell this is all his fault. There is no other way, it has to be!_

"What this is? I think you know better then I do, right?" asked Hakkai with an ambiguous smile.

Goku didn't notice anything of all this, he slept happily with Sanzo's hand in his hair patting and stroking it again (the blond hadn't noticed yet, of course).

Sanzo was unsure of what he was supposed to make of this situation.

He certainly hadn't been THAT drunk! Could he?

_I can't … I didn't… I wouldn't… Would I? No! Yes? NO! Never… maybe? What happened, damn it! Shit, shit, shit, .._

His thoughts spun around in his head like a dog who wants to catch his own tail.

And Goku wasn't a help either, with his gentle snoring and purring under his hand.

And that reminded him where the monkey was sleeping on.

_[And where his hands are…_

Wamm Klong the sound of wood on wood

And again Goku was awaken rudely as Sanzo stood up and his head hit the floor.

Puzzled he sat up and rubbed his eyes: "Hm? What happened? Is it already time for breakfast?"

Hopefully he looked from one to the other.

While Sanzo didn't know what to answer, Hakkai was laughing.

So Sanzo decided to let his fan speak for him. And that thing speaks a pretty clear tongue.

Hakkai took advantage of the situation and vanished out of the room before he got his share of the hits too.

Because he wasn't sure if Sanzo knew that he was the one who put them out off most of their clothes and into the bed.

Or if he really thought they landed there all by themselves…

Wondering Gojyo saw Hakkai sneaking out of their room:

"Hey, you're still alive! And that's after it sounded like our Sleeping Beauties are awake… Wait, do they really think… Ne, Hakkai, you can't let them believe…"

"Look, I don't know what who is thinking, but luckily, that isn't my problem, right?(And I'm really happy about that.) Everyone can think what they want."

All Gojyo did was shrug:_ I hope that don't end bad._

But he had to admit, Sanzo must have made quite a funny picture as he was falling out of the bed. He wished he had seen that.

But the yelling in the room went on and on, so the two men went away, just to be safe.

But Gojyo couldn't really hold back a comment, so he opened the door slightly: "The quarrel of lovers is the renewal of love."

Then he ran away as fast as possible, before Sanzo could 'answer' him(with his fan or gun…)

………..

…….

Not much later that day Sanzo and the three quite damaged looking men sat together at the breakfast table.[_in the end he caught everyone_

He was hiding behind his newspaper just waiting for someone to make a sound, so he had a reason to hit them again with his beloved fan. After that awakening, he already was in a bad mood, and still getting angrier and angrier with each passing moment.

And he let the others feel it...

From time to time he peeked over the edge of his paper, but no one did him the favor of giving him a reason to beat them again.

So he waited...

Nobody noticed the man that entered the room and, after looking around, walked up to their table.

He towered over Gojyo and tapped his shoulder.

When Gojyo turned around, he received a punch to the face, making him fall out of his chair:

"If you ever dare to touch my wife again, or talk to her, or even look at her...

I WILL PERSONALLY SEND YOU TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEINE!!!"

With that, he turned around and stormed off.

"If I remember which girl was his wife..." Gojyo murmured while getting up to sit down on his chair again.

"Yep, that's what happens if you have to many women around you."

"What am I supposed to do, everybody loves me..."

He tried snatching something from one of the plates, only to discover that Goku had been faster.

He glared at the boy angrily, the boy glared back.

Then [_what a surprise_ a food-fight started.

"Cockroach"

"Monkey"

"Idiot"

"Dimwit"

Sanzo's brow started twitching dangerously. Even without the fighting and yelling of the two animals, his patience for the day was almost gone.

"Bottomless monkey"

"Pervert water sprite"

"ENOUGH! SHUT UP! THE NEXT ONE, WHO EVEN DARES TO BREATHE. IS. DEAD!

GOT THAT?"

With that, he stepped down from the chair, on which he had climbed to have a better position to yell and glare down at the two morons.

[_As if anyone can fail to hear him, by this sound intensity_

The whole room was silent as death, and everyone stared at Sanzo, who grabbed a chair to throw it at Gojyo's head. When Goku started to giggle, the chair landed on his head as well.

Hakkai observed the whole spectacle with amusement, as Sanzo rushed out of the room.

When he was passing by him, Sanzo thought he could hear the green eyed man:

"You really shouldn't do that to your friend…"

Sanzo turned around and gave him a questioning look, as he wasn't sure if he had or hadn't heard him say something, but Hakkai acted as if he didn't say a single world.

_Shit, today I'm not sure about anything since I woke up, what is that, damn it._

Goku looked after him, puzzled.

Then he looked up at Hakkai from under the remains of Sanzo's chair:

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know, maybe he had a bad night's sleep?"

"By the way, how was your rest last night?" asked Gojyo hypocritical.

"Very good, why?"

He really didn't see why the two of them started laughing at this.

Really, they can't stop laughing, and they wouldn't tell him what's so funny, that is not fair!

………….

……..

….

That night, as pretty much every other night, Gojyo came back late.

[_Hey, there are many women who are waiting for him after all.._

All he wanted, was to fall into his bed and sleep, but then he heard the door open and close again quietly.

He grabbed one of the chairs.

[_Didn't they ever use something else as weapon? Something like.. I don't know.. Maybe… Knifes? Muskets? Rapiers? _

He tried to hit the intruder, but he was smaller than expected and Gojyo only hit the wall.

"Goku! What are you doing this late? You're supposed to be in bed by now, monkey boy!"

"The same goes for you, cockroach!"

"I was in bed, but she didn't let me stay there. And what is your excuse? Don't tell me you were out on a date?"

He looked over to Sanzo's bed meaningfully:

"No that can't be, blondy is already here!"

Goku only gave him a puzzled look. _What had that to do with Sanzo?_

"Yes, I really had a date, with…"

Click

Sanzo has his musket in hand and aimed at the two of them:

"Okay, who wants to be the first? Hakkai, you can start digging two graves."

"Can't that wait until tomorrow?"

"Yes, or we forget about it completely, that will be even better. Less work, less dirt…."

"And in return more noise, more trouble…"

In the end they settled on a few hits to the head for each of them.

[_That meant, Sanzo settled on this, the others had nothing to say about this besides "Ouch"_

"Hey, monkey, what was with your date?"

Gojyo was too curious to let that pass so easily.

_With who could a chimp like him be together?_

"I visited the guards of the cardinal, they refill their pantries everyday, did you know that? And the food is always so tasty, and the guards are sooo weak..." Goku romanticized, while the others could only stare at him.

"Then you are the little pest that has been plundering the pantries and vanished into thin air right after?"

"Sure! I have to eat a lot in order to grow up and become strong!" Goku said with a mischievous grin.

"Shall I bring something for you too tomorrow? They have really good stuff in there, especially in that little room I found."

"I think that's where they store the food for the higher officers."

"You mean they cook for them and store it there...?" Goku asked, curious, as he licked his lips at the thought of food:

"I wish I had some whipped cream, they never have any in the pantry, and no sweets either..."

Wrack

"I can give you whips, too. As many as you'd like!"

Wrack Wrack Wrack

With that, Sanzo hid his fan again, wherever he always put it to.

"Hey, what was that for? You said, I should never say anything about that… And I didn't! You never said that I wasn't allowed to go back there! And anyway, why are you angry? Because of the couple of doors I broke? I told them before that they should leave them open when I come, but they never listen to me, so its their own fault! And anyway, at least they're busy that way, and don't stand around all the time and stare into nothingness. A little work from time to time never hurt anyone. If they have to work, of course." And with that he give an eager nod.

"Are you saying that you go to them every night? You talk with them? And they don't stop you?!"

"Oh, sure, they try. But they are far to slow, and when you throw something at them, they slow down even more. And you can shake them off easily, that is so much fun… You all should try it too! It's an easy game."

And the boy grinned cheeky at them. "Don't worry, they don't know that I'm a musketeer."

Of course, the guards of cardinal Gyumao weren't too happy about it, so they tried to ambush the golden eyed teen every night, but they never knew what door or window he would come through.

And that little devil was fast, no matter how hard they tried to corner him, he always found a way to escape.

And so it went on, night after night, and the musketeers in the canteen wondered who that cormorant was, that caused so much trouble for the red coats.

They made jokes about the poor guards who let themselves get robbed every night without doing anything about it.

"You see, none of them are complaining about it" Goku told Sanzo the next day, as he heard someone talking about it at another table.

"Yes, but do you have to raid the citizens pantries as well? One would think that you get enough from the redcoats and don't need to brake into the their houses too."

"Yeees, I know." Goku whined "But the way is so much longer..."

………

….

2 days later they where called into Dokugakuji's office.

Again.

"Ok, you four anarchists, as I said earlier, you're allowed to fulfill an order, and tomorrow you have to show up before our majesty and get to know more about your mission."

"Do YOU know what we're supposed to do?" Gojyo asked his brother.

"No, only that it is important and, -God save our souls-, you are supposed to do it."

Dokugakuji almost tore his hair out and marched worriedly around in the room.

Even if he/she wanted them to be there, he would be glad if it was someone else.

Alone in the last four days, there were many fights, in which the four of them were involved.

Either it was because of the temper tantrums of Sanzo, the miscellaneous love affairs of Gojyo, the gambling of Hakkai (when a looser couldn't or wouldn't pay), or the big mouth and the endless appetite of Goku.

_They are the nails to my coffin. The little one has adjusted himself fast here. And of all things_ _to the three worst of the whole troop…_

Dokugakuji sighed. "I came along with you to make sure you don't cause any trouble."

[_Really? He and which army?_

The four men before him grinned at him and gave him a nod in unison.

"YOU SHOULD NOT ONLY NOD, YOU SHOULD BEAR THAT IN MIND! DAMN IT! YOU WILL BE IN FRONT OF THE KING….. THE QUEEN… What I mean is….." and he began to stutter and became quieter with every word…

"DAMN IT, YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN! WHEN YOU ARE THERE TOMORROW BEHAVE YOURSELVES AS IF YOU WERE NORMAL PEOPLE, NOT LIKE ANIMALS, YOU MORONS!"

Gojyo gave his big brother a surprised look: " What is wrong with you, we haven't done anything."

"Until now! I have serious doubts to let you see the ruler of France. None of you have any behavior, you don't have respect for anyone, you are loud, you beat up each other and everyone else, you are violent and an impertinence for your surroundings!!!"

"What do you mean?" Goku asked innocently.

[_Is he serious or is he only pretending?_

"THAT MEANS THAT YOU ALL ARE A GODDAMN PLAGUE, YOU ARE WORSE THEN PEST AND CHOLERA; AND I WOULDN'T WISH FOR MY WORST ENEMY TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU!" he screamed at Goku

Sanzo turned around and walked away.

"And what do _you_ think where you are going to?"

"Out. You all are getting on my nerves."

"Tomorrow you will all be standing here, in gala uniform and with polished boots! Is that clear!?"

"Yeah, whatever.." Sanzo didn't sound very impressed as he simply walked away.

"AND YOU WILL BEHAVE YOURSELF, GOT IT!!!" Dokugakuji roared after them, as the other three left as well.

_Is there anyone listening to me, or am I talking to the wall?_

[_A very good question, who is the boss here?_

Outside of the office the three of them caught up with Sanzo, not that he cared if they did or not.

Gojyo rubbed his ears:" Why does my brother always scream at us, he doesn't do that with the others. That's so mean…"

"Bottled up stress?" Hakkai assumed.

"No patience?" guessed Sanzo (he spoke from his own experience), but Goku's speculation beat all others at lengths

[_and also was the farthest away from the truth_

"Maybe he simply loves to hear himself scream?"

"So we have to show up there. Tomorrow. In front of the king…umm, the queen…umm, whatever.." Hakkai summarized, as they stopped laughing..

That means, Gojyo and Hakkai had laughed, Sanzo had kept a straight face, and Goku didn't get the joke, he had meant it pretty serious.

"What do you mean with 'whatever'? They're both coming, or not? Why are you always talking so weird?"

"Um… Goku, in case you didn't know, our majesty isn't married."

"Why not?"

"Because nobody knows if they should search for a Prince or a Princess. So she… he… is solitary."

"Why don't they know?"

"Because it depends on whether you look at the upper or the lower part."

"And who would marry something like that willingly.." Sanzo decided to say something about the matter too.

And that King… Queen Kanzeon rubbed him the wrong way was not a big secret.

'She' enjoyed bothering him, and he was insulting her at many occasions, which seemed to amuse her even more…

She was hard to see through, and Sanzo never knew if she/he was joking or not.

And if there was something he hated, it was someone laughing at him, mentally or not.

_IT should care less about it's amusement, and more about its work. Then that damn cardinal would not have such a force, with his two lap dogs…_

At the next day they were standing, more or less straight, before the throne, on witch he/she/it was slouching.

Gojyo and Hakkai where talking quietly with each other, completely ignoring their ruler, while Goku bounced around and whined about his hunger and how he was starving right then and there because he hadn't eaten for sooo long now.

_[Yes, for him 2 hours are half an eternity…_

And Sanzo was only standing there with his arms crossed and glaring angrily at the figure before him. She, of course, glared back:

" You don't have to look that angry. Don't you have a smile for your aunt?"

"I was adopted by Koumyou. And he was only your stepbrother, so we are not really blood relatives." _Thank God for that little mercy._

"And that's why you don't even have a single nice word for me as welcome?"

"Drop to dead!"

By now, Gojyo started pushing Goku, who pushed back.

Gojyo gave him a harder push, and earned himself a kick to the shin.

For that, he gave Goku a head butt, and they went on and on, combined with much swearing and abusive language.

Hakkai stood beside them and said his usual:" Ma, ma, the lovely children"

"We aren't CHILDREN" both said at the same time.

"Then stop acting as if you were!" Sanzo interrupted them, as always with the help of his paper fan.

For a short time both were quiet, then, of course, they started again:

"Cockroach"

"Monkey"

"Water spite"

"Dwarf"

"Pervert"

"Cormorant"

"SHUT UP, YOU TWO INTELLIGENCE-ALLERGY SUFFERERS."

Sanzo hit and kicked both into ground and earth.

"Can't you think of something new, you always say the same things."

Kanzeon coughed, was ignored and coughed louder.

But again she/he was ignored.

"HEY! YOU CAN'T IGNORE ME LIKE THAT!"

"It's not easy, but we can manage somehow" was Sanzo's reply.

Behind them Dokugakuji was standing, not knowing if he should wish them to hell, cut their heads off, or try to sink into the floor. Or all of that.

He never saw anything as unrespectful as this, and he had been waiting for the worst, knowing them as like he did…

Unbelieving, he shook his head: _Please, earth, open up and swallow me._

But out loud, he only said: "Behave yourselves, you're standing before your ruler!!!"

"Sanzo, I'm hungry! Can we go and get something to eat?"

"Why the hell should I care about your hunger?"

"You only think about eating, right?"

"No, I don't! I also think about how to break every bone in your body."

"Only in your dreams, dimwit"

"In real, too!"

"Sure there are some redcoats waiting for me to get their money." It looked as if Hakkai too had something better to do then to be there.

"Yes, I have a date that I don't want to miss…" Gojyo also wanted to be somewhere else.

_[It isn't like an audience with their ruler was something special_

"You are getting on my nerves.." that, of course, was Sanzo, "If you don't want to be here then leave" and with that he want to turn around and left as well: "Who cares about that crap?"

But Dokugakuji stepped into his way: "You stay where you are! And you three too! No one leaves this room without my permission. GOT IT?"

"And what happens, when she… he give its permission?" Even Goku started talking like the others, but noone had ever dared to talk like that in front of Kanzeon. Until now. Except for Sanzo, of course, who never had any respect for anyone.

"That is something else of course, you idiot, that's logical!"

Dokugakuji blushed as he noticed that he was screaming as well.

Kanzeon had watched the scene for a while, but now she wanted to say something.

As when no one reacted on her coughing she drew in a deep breath:

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? DON'T YOU WANT TO WELCOME ME CORRECTLY, LIKE YOU SHOULD!"

"Welcome you correctly?"

Goku tilted his head to the side and considered.

But before he could even start to move, Sanzo drew him back by his collar.

Gojyo laughed and Hakkai whispered something to him about jealously, which caused Gojyo to laugh and giggle even more.

It was their luck that Sanzo hadn't heard that, otherwise he would have had started to yell and hit them again.

Goku only looked at the redhead puzzled, but he decided that the men was laughing at him, so he gave him a good kick.

Gojyo and Hakkai had a good idea of what kind of 'Hello' Goku was thinking of, and that was funny in their eyes

_He love it to make fiends that way…We have created a devil…_

Sanzo glared at the two jokers. He knew what the meaning at that remark meant, and he was not happy about it.

Dokugakuji on the other side, hadn't gotten and the joke, so all he could do was look from one to the other wondering, while Sanzo was very busy, as he tried to beat some sense into the three of them.

But the leader of the musketeers by now had the strong feeling that the blond only made it worse and they got more stupid with every hit. He never understood how it was possible that someone was friends with the blond. The man was always violent, at least when he didn't hide behind a newspaper and read and smoked and ignored the rest of the word.

But then he looked at the other three men:

Also not the pride of creation.

There was his brother: Chasing every skirt he saw, always on the run because of the jealous husbands that wanted to kick his ass, and he beat them up or got beaten up…

Then there was Hakkai: A gambler who loved cheating, made crude jokes about the ones around him and then pretended to be innocent when someone asked about it. He always won because of the wrong cards under the table, and many people knew that, but noone dared to say that aloud. The green eyed men was a very bad loser…

And then there was the newbie: The boy was untamed, incalculable and loud. And also, he had heard his brother say that he was the one who was responsible for the plunderings in the last time. It seemed that he got along well with the others, but that was not really to his best. They would only corrupt him in the future, Dokugakuji was sure about that.

His mind returned to the present.

The four musketeers had gotten very loud by now and tried to kill each other, while their boss tried to calm them down, with little to no avail.

_What kind of picture is that, is seems that I can't even handle four people. Why did she want to see these four of all people. Why did she want to see her nephew? There are so many other men that are better, sane and agreeable…_

At last they agreed to listen to what that thing on the throne had to say..

_[how merciful.._

"So, now that I have your full attention…"

"Monkey"

"Idiot" (both hissed)

kick

hit

".. we can continue."

She/ he gave the men a challenging look, and they simply stared back.

For a while, no one said a word, until Sanzo got bored: "What is it, are we going somewhere with that today, or are we waiting for the next ice age?"

"Then we may need warmer winter-clothes" Hakkai commented.

"And many, many supplies to eat!!!" that came, of course, from Goku, before he earned himself a head butt from Gojyo.

"So, your mission is simply,…" began Kanzeon,

that made Dokugakuji think_What luck, maybe they make it without causing a disaster, or kill each other…_

[_Wow, he really trusts his people.. _

"..you simply should go to Paris, get it? I give you a map, you follow it. Your way will be clearly marked on it, you can't miss it. There you will meet the Baron Jiroushin. Get it? You go to him, get it? Only get there and bring something back to me. A scroll. A scroll which is very, very important. All you have to do is get that scroll and bring it to me, get it? Cardinal Gyumao had somehow found out that I gave it to the Baron, and now he wants to make a trap and provocate a war between England and France. He'll make everyone believe that the Baron has stolen it to use it against me now. Do you understand this? I need the scroll just in time, or the cardinal takes over control here! And then is shift in the hoist way, you get it? Tomorrow morning you will start! All right?"

"Stop talking with us as if we are complete morons, or I show you what hell is!"

Sanzo doesn't mince his words, and the others protested as well:

"Why should we not understand this, you speak loud and clear…..?"

"Why did you give away that damn thing if it is that important?"

"Hey, is there any food in England?"

All Dokugakuji could do now, was shake his head in desperation:

_It will be best when I simply emigrate, because, if the well-being of our Land depends on a psychopath, a gambler, a womanizer and a cormorant, then we can as well go to hell._

[_so much for positive thinking_

"I repeat: You get there! You get my scroll! You get you ass back! You give me my scroll! Easy task! Get it?"

"I bet it is a love letter!"

"Yes, why she would make such a fuss about it, if not for that?"

Luckily for Hakkai and Gojyo she hadn't heard them, or simply ignored them, as they whispered.

"Are there any other Questions, wishes, suggestions? Then you all can leave now."

"Yeah, all right, I get it…"

"I'm not an idiot!"

"Yes, sir…Um…. Madam… Um.. what ever…"

"Okay, all clarities are eliminated"

And with that they leave under the angry glares from their leader.

_I feel somehow sorry for the poor man, my nephew and his friends are not the easiest people walking on earth… _ Kanzeon thought, while overhearing the discussion on the other side of the door. Really, they all are very loud…

At the other side, Goku and Gojyo are fussing over the fact that Kanzeon had talked to them like stupid little children, while Sanzo wanted to put as much distance between himself and these weird people who called themselves his 'friends' as possible.

They made their way until the next corner, when Dokugakuji had enough of them and their stupidly.

"ARE YOU INSANE OR WHAT? DID THE SUN MELT YOUR BRAIN? OR ARE YOU SIMPLY PLAYING DUMP?"

When he had to take a deep breath, Goku took advantage of the situation to ask a stupid question:

"What do you mean, we tried really hard and we were very good! More or less…"

"THAT IS 'GOOD'? YOU RATTLING RUNNING-METER,,,,,,"

"I. AM. NOT. THAT. SMALL!!! AND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO YELL AT US FOR NO REASON? I AM NOT DEAF! NONE OF US IS!!!"

Goku drowns out even his surprised boss, who didn't do more than blink at him.

Bang

With help of his gun Sanzo got all attention back at him:

"Can we go now?" annoyed, Sanzo turned around and walked away, once again ignoring Dokugakuji.

"We have to get supplies."

"Hey! Hey! I, I, I want to do this! Let me, let me! I want to do this!" Goku bounced up and down and weaved his hand up and down as if he tried to fly away, while begging.

"AH, really and how will you idiot do this?"

"I don't want to tell you, pervert, because it is a secret!"

"I guess you want to go to the redcoats, am I right?"

"Man, that's not fair! It was meant to be a surprise!"

"I don't want to know! The less I know, the better. The main point is that I get rid of you all. Shall the world deal with you. In any case, I will have a better sleep at night. As soon as I know you far, far away from me. Then you are the problem of someone else…" mumbling under his breath Dokugakuji walked away. All he wanted to do now was getting drunk and forget this whole fiasco_…_

_Why do I, of all people, have to put up with such idiots? I always give my best for land and majesty…_

Sanzo continued to walk away, when he saw that Gojyo lay an arm around Goku's shoulder, and Hakkai did the same on the other side.

They where up to something, a blind man with a crutch could see that. But sadly [_or luckily?,_ he couldn't hear what they are saying to the stupid monkey. All he could see was that Hakkai and Gojyo were talking to the smaller one, who looked from one to the other and let them drag him away with big eyes.

Gojyo turned towards Sanzo and gave him a grin…

And that never meant something good….

_Question: What might they be up to?_

_My Tip: As always, is Gojyo talking the most…._

_Poor Sanzo, watch out…._

_So, that was it so far, i hope you found it funny, i love this part much (poor Doku...)_

_And as next:_

_Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo visits the red coats, Goku and Hakkai playing a game, and poor Doku had another meeting with them... Does anyone know a good psychiatrist? Because he soon will need one very badly..._


	4. Sopa is back!

MY DEARS THIS IS A WARNING!  
I found this out from an author of a story!  
In is an important notice that will affect everyone on this sight and many others.  
I got a message from a fellow writer shadowwriter329 and saw more note and messages from even more, that SOPA is back. The bill that is threatening to take away our freedoms on the internet is back. Not only back, but it is trying to be passed quietly so nobody notices. SOPA will guarantee that anybody who streams a video, whether it be on youtube, a walkthrough for a video game, or a kid singing a song that is 'copyrighted' they will be treated as a felon. That is one of the highest form of criminal offensives for something as simple as uploading a video game walkthrough on youtube, playing a song with lyrics of your favorite artist and even one we all go on, this one right here.  
I am telling everyone this because it effect us all here as Wattpad/FanFiction will being attacked as well. A Wattpad/FanFiction writer can being carted off to a maximum state prison for writing a character from Naruto into their fanfic, or a character from Bleach, or a character from One Piece, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, the list is endless. You think I an exaggerating? I assure you that if this passes it will not be long, not be long at all, because once this passes, then anything goes. Wattpad/FanFiction will be attacked for using canon characters in a fanon manner, authors will be arrested for writing a book whose main character has glasses just like in another series, artists will be arrested and confined for using sapphire blue in the iris of one of their characters like another author. This effect us all and we can not let it happen.  
I figure some of you do not believe me and I can understand. I could be making this up for all you know. But I provided links below to show you I am telling the truth. Simply remove the spaces below, see for yourself.  
: / www . huffingtonpost 2013/08/07/unauthorized-streaming-felony_n_3720479 . html  
: / www . washingtonpost blogs/the-switch/wp/2013/08/05/sopa-died-in-2012-b ut-obama-administration-wants-to-revive-part-of-it /  
: / www . techdirt articles/20130805/12472124074/administration-cant- let-go-wants-to-bring-back-felony-streaming-provis ions-sopa . shtml  
: / www . youtube watch?v=1fTt4K4Cae4  
We are not as powerless as we might think. We stopped SOPA before and we must do it again. Our stories, our ideas, our passion will be threaten. Everything from this to fan art to youtube is in danger of being gone forever.  
I am asking you to spread the word and fight this assault on our freedoms. Because this isn't just going to affect Americans, it will affect everybody across the globe. Tell you friend, have they spread the word so we may stand up to fight this. It is our right as freedom of speech. We are not making money doing what we love, we do it because we enjoy it and want to spread our words, our ideas, our art to everyone who wishes to see it. but we can stop it but only if we stand together. Please my friends, my fellow reader and writers, don't let what we love be nothing but dust in the winds of time.  
-Please spread the word and help us be free on the internet like she said we stopped it before lets do it again come darlings lets push SOPA back fight for our freedom!  
Rewrite this and post on your story chapters for everyone else to see so we can stop SOPA!

Here is the link to the petition on the Whitehouse website, sign it if you want this stopped.

: / petitions . whitehouse . gov /petition /stop-sopa-2013 /LMzMVrQF

If the link doesn't work search Open Petitions till you find Stop SOPA 2013 and sign it that way.

shadowwriter329  
g1rldraco7  
Madam Jokudaime Kanaya Maryam  
InuYoiushi  
Ryoucutie4ever  
shadowrealm818  
Ashray1

_I'm posting this because without FanFiction, I wouldn't even bother with Sherlock Holmes (the Downey-films,- for some reason I didn't like one of the posters of Jude Law as well as the BBC-Serie,- as I didn't even noticed that they were running in TV); Iron Man, Thor or the Avengers (I though that I'm too old for Comics when they came up first) and a lot of other stuff that I have now in my ever growing DVD- Collection, just becaue I read intrerresstin FanFiction from some good authors that made be curious!_

_And I'm sure I'm not the only one who got into new Fandoms that way!_

_FanFiction and FanArt is not only entertainment for us, and a way to get ideas out of our heads without having to think of the whole background-stuff, it also is free adversment for the things we draw and write about!_

_(I'm posting this to all my storys, soory if you thought that this is a chapter, thanks for reading, and please spread the world so we can keep our fanfictions safe!_

_Thanks, Ashray1)_


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